OMG seriously, what is wrong with her face. The dress is not awful per se, but somehow by her wearing it - it's gross. Her back is too boney and lumpy for a dress cut like that and her haircut should never have happened. 


I don't know who this is, but she can't be serious....can she? I mean come on, she looks like a hunting accident. And WHO IS SHE???


Oh, Tilda. I love you so. But your outfit looked like a Hefty bag and it did nothing for you pale complexion. I forgive you, though. Your speech was hilarious.



First Tilda and now you, Cate. I know you know better because that yellow dress from 2 years ago is one of the most stunning on Oscar history. The neckline kills this dress. And then kicks it when it's down.



This tux was hideous and was made worse by the brown suede shoes. You really have to be trying to mess up a tux, but somehow DD-L did. And his wife's dress is hands down the worst of the night. Too many different fabrics and textures and what are those things on her chest? They are like brooches made for a giant. And don't get me started on the ribbons holding her dress in her shoulders. Ugh. Failure.



The bottom of this dress is lovely and so is the color. The feathers make it tragic. 



Jennifer, this is the second year in a row that you were among the worst dressed. You need to have a word with your stylist. The band around your waist is making your boobies look funny and the neckline doesn't flatter you. And speaking from one curvy girl to another - white is NOT our color. Ever.



I also love Julie Christie. And this dress is very pretty but what the hell is going on with her gloves?? You don't wear gloves with a dress that has sleeves. And the color is awful with the color of the dress! Take off the gloves and you're in business. You came so close!



The dress alone = ehhhhh. Not bad but not great either. But then your necklace vomited all over your chest. And you went from ehh to eccchhh.



This dress is soooooo boring. I've seen edgier thing at junior proms. But the helmet hair tops off this disaster. 






Diablo Cody's dress and look may not be everyones cup of tea but on her I think it really works. This look can't be pulled off by just anyone but it is her. She stayed true to herself without looking too over the top and I think she looked very nice. 



He really is dreamy, no? He makes a simple tux look so glamorous and old hollywood with no effort. He looks like a modern day Cary Grant which is always a plus. 



Plain? Yes but the necklace gives it a little lift and I think Ellen looks good in all black. It also makes her look taller.



I have no clue why she was there but you can't deny that this dress is STUNNING. Of course it doesn't hurt that she is a model and can make anything look good. But this Galliano gown is GORGEOUS.




The bottom of this dress just makes it. It is classy and simple (well, simple for a red carpet gown) and she looks incredible in it. 



I really don't think Katherine Heigl has EVER looked less than perfect at a red carpet event. She looks classic.



True, it looks see through but it's not. I love the sheer layers and the jewels in her hair. I am so glad that she didn't ruin this stunning gown by wearing a necklace. It doesn't need anything to make it look perfect. 



Marion got put on a lot of worst dressed lists for this Gaultier gown. I disagree with that. I think people are put off by the scales but that is what I like about it. It is different and daring and she is so gorgeous. I would have nixed the necklace, though. The neckline doesnt need one. 



What I said before about feathers? I take it back. Feathers work here, maybe because they are subtle and dark. The lines on this dress are perfect for her body and I just love this one. 



Is it wrong to say I want to get beardy kisses from this man? He is so rugged and he chose a vintage style suit that complements that perfectly. I love the double breasted jacket. 



For being a kid, Saoirse Ronan looks mature but classy. Unlike Miley Cyrus, who I thought played it too safe with her prom-ish red gown, I think Saoirse took a chance and it paid off.


And finally....my choice for BEST DRESSED:


I know I am totally obsessed. But seriously - this gown is FANTASTIC and CLASSY. It is different while still being a classic look. She is glam and age-appropriate. I just can't get over how flawless she always is. 





Johnny and Vanessa are definitely the best dressed couple. He always looks great and her gown with the corset like bodice is dark without being goth. They play off each other perfectly. 



Come on! Who is cuter than Hal and Dixie! They are freaking adorable. I want them as my adopted nana and pop-pop.







Robert Boyle, winner of the honorary Oscar is NINETY-EIGHT years old!! He is a legend and he also happens to be a cutie. 





Lisa Rinna. Famous for "Dancing with the Stars" and having ridiculous collagen-tastic lips. WHY?


Donny Osmond. Whaaaaaaa?


Gary Busey. I'm sure whomever invited this mess got chastised for it after he molested Jennifer Garner on the red carpet. 


Steve Gutenberg and Marlee Matlin. Okay, I respect Marlee Matlin but I only recently discovered that Steve Gutenberg is not dead. WHY?





HOT.




I love Martin Scorsese and his giant glasses. He makes me proud to be an Italian :)




Thank you for making it this far. Now I wanna hear from you. Do you agree/disagree/have anything to add to my commentary? Let me know :)

Oh! And.....HELEN MIRREN :)